Most of my life...

​Most of my life I have been the girl who was the biggest in the room, I have been the girl who everybody stared at and then whispered to each other about look how fat she is.
I have been the girl who was insecure, needy, irrational and depressed.
Most of my life has been spent trying to hide myself, not going to social events and not having many friends because I felt unworthy. 
Most of my life has been full of guilt, guilt about allowing myself to look the way I looked, about eating constantly and about feeling the way I felt.
Most of my life has been about blame, I blamed myself for almost everything, surely it must have been my fault that my grandmother who raised me was an alcoholic and used to physically abuse me, surely it was my fault that I was sexually molested by family at young age, and the blame went on and on.
Most of my life has been spent being secret and hiding, hiding how much I eat, secretly going to the fridge and eating when no one saw.....
Until one day I woke up and I looked at myself in the mirror with tears pouring down my face and I realised that I was a human being loved by God, loved by my family and that for all these years I had allowed the devil to lie to me in so many ways. Until one day I woke up and I looked at my beautiful little girl and said is this the example I want to be? The kinds of person she would call her mother. Until one day I woke up and realised that this life we have is a gift and that health is the greatest wealth I would ever own. I realised that if I continued on this path I might not live a very long life.
And so one day I made a choice, a very important choice and that choice was to fight, to fight every lie the devil had ever told me, to fight for my health and wellbeing, I decided to fight the feeling of unworthiness and depression and fought to love myself. I decided to fight for my family who loved me. But most importantly I decided to fight for myself, because I knew I was not the sum of things that had happened to me, I was whatever I choose to be and that it was and is possible to rise above every circumstance that life throws your way.
Everyday I make the choice to fight, because lets me honest it is a daily choice, it is so much easier to give up, so much easier to be a victim, so much easier to make excuses, it takes courage to act, it takes courage to fight, and its hard, it is not easy, but let me tell you it is worth it.
So today I share this with you because I fight not only for myself, I fight for each and every person out there who struggles with weight and who has suffered any form of trauma or emotional abuse and has turned to food as the answer.
It is not to late, you are not to old, what you have gone through you can overcome, doesn't matter that you have more than 50kg to lose. Doesn't matter that you have tried and failed before. Doesn't matter than no one believes in you. I believe in you. Today I woke up and make a choice to fight what choice will you make today?

Angelique

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