As children, we grow up imitating or rather doing what we see others do – it is our way ‘finding our feet’ one could say. Like when a toddler blurts out their first swear word after hearing it from an adult, not realising that kids are basically like parrots. This is called learned behaviour. I guess one could also say we become someone else before we become ourselves. As we grow older, blossoming into young adults we tend to believe we know the world, what we are doing and especially ourselves.
I don’t know about you, but when I was in my first year of
university I got the biggest slap in the face. Getting lost amongst thousands of other dream chasers – one starts to realize how little you know of the world and more especially yourself. Coming from a childhood of being bullied, name called and constantly made fun of – going to university was always a dread. Once there, I became a people pleaser, pushover and doormat – overcompensating in order to spare myself of the misery I went through in primary and high school. The saddest part, I didn’t ever see anything wrong with what I was doing. You know when you’re helping friends, classmates and acquaintances out, out of the goodness of your heart, getting to a point where sacrificing your happiness for others is a priority in your life – that’s me. Was me? Ah, work in progress right?
As I look back and reflect on life thus far, I must say I wish I had actually loved myself the way I loved others. Regrets? Nah, none of those.
As cliché as this may sound, all I have gone through has been a valuable lesson. Things I have learnt to unlearn. Unlearning to learn. Learning to love myself. Unconditionally. For all the days of my beautifully blessed life.