A work in progress

A work in progress.  That’s me.​

When I was first asked to share my story, I honestly balked and thought, “Who on earth would find my story inspiring? I couldn’t possibly share my story!.”
You see, I’m classified as morbidly obese.  I have a BMI of 44.  What could MY story possibly do to motivate someone else?

I started gaining weight around the same time I started taking the pill at about 19 years old.  I was a chubby baby and a pretty average child although a bit chubbier than my peers – I was told it was baby fat and I would grow out of it.  It did not help that I was relentlessly teased from Grade 1 to Grade 7 and called ugly and fatty by one particular classmate, because you see, by the time I hit high school and the baby fat did start to melt and I did blossom, I still thought I was fat! I thought I was a whale!  My mom remembers being so frustrated taking me shopping because I only wanted black and baggy clothing, none of the figure hugging pretty stuff.  I’ve always been a big girl – big boned they call it – or heavy bones.  I can’t even get my own fingers around my own wrist. As a result I always weighed more than my friends even though I physically looked the same or slightly thinner and we wore the same clothing sizes etc.  I fixated on the scale.  I now count myself lucky that I don’t actually look as heavy as I weigh – doctors, nurses and friends are shocked when they learn what I actually weigh and all guess me to be at least 20kg lighter.

About 8 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Thyroiditis as well as PCOS and insulin resistance.  Hashimotos is an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid and destroys the hormones created by the thyroid as soon as they are produced and released.  All 3 of these conditions make it INCREDIBLY difficult to lose weight – they also all have infertility as a side effect and my husband and I have been struggling to conceive for 6 years.   I mean, where a normal woman can lose 0.5 to 1kg per week on a well balanced diet, I would struggle to lose that in a whole month.  So the weight started piling on.  I have tried so many different diets, meds, fat burners etc – I start losing but its so slow I get discouraged and think what's the point and then I stop for a while and pick up more weight. Can you say vicious cycle?  I have tried cutting gluten, lactose, sugar, carbs, fat etc – it works for a while and then the wagon pushes me off again. The amount of money I have spent in the last few years on not only weight-loss plans and pills, but also fertility treatment, could have put a child through its entire schooling career…BUT I am not giving up.  I will persevere no matter the odds – which seem insurmountable yes, but definitely not impossible.
​
I suppose that’s how I can encourage others.  To help them see that no matter how tough the road ahead may seem, and how insurmountable the odds stacked against them may seem, that they must NEVER give up fighting.  I haven’t.  I won’t.

​Siranne x 
 

---